I wasn’t sure if I wanted to broadcast this into the ether but then I tried to find some stories like mine and I felt more alone than ever. I might share a little, I might end up sharing too much. But I finally decided that sharing might be better than holding it all in. So. Here it goes.
I have breast cancer. That’s a hard sentence to type. It’s even harder to say. I really hoped I’d never have to say it but, here we are.
A few months ago, in the midst of the holidays and falling in love, I felt a tiny little bump in my right breast while I was moisturizing after a bubble bath. My first thought was, “what the fuck was that?” I kept an eye on it for 2 weeks (like you’re supposed to) and to my surprise, it disappeared. But then it came back and then it would disappear again. Life was moving fast and I was actually finally happy and, against all of my better judgement, I just did not want to deal with this little black rain cloud hovering over everything good that had been happening.
I decided to get it checked out. I made a call in the morning to my high risk doctors at Ohio State and by noon I was in the car to get checked out. This is where I should mention Chris. This is the moment I gave all of my emotions over to him and let him take the lead because I was not okay. All in one day, I had a breast biopsy and a biopsy on one lymph node. And then it was back to being a parent and pretending everything was okay while I waited for my results.
My results were not good. Not entirely horrible. But most certainly not the news you want to hear. I have triple negative breast cancer, which is fairly common in a woman with the BRCA mutation.
I have a plan. The next 5 or 6 months are going to be trying and exhausting and terrifying but WE CAN DO HARD THINGS. I’ll have have 12 weekly chemo treatments (which I’m calling therapy because therapy is a less scary word) and then 4 more treatments spread out over 8 weeks. I’ll heal for 4 weeks and then do a double mastectomy. My doctors are wonderful and are completely confident that by the time I have my surgery, I will be free of disease.
Here’s what I’ve dealt with thus far…2 biopsies, 2 mammograms, an MRI, 3 CT scans, a bone scan, and one therapy treatment.
I am afraid, yes. But I am also so very strong. I have the best support team in the entire universe. My husband, my mom, my family, my kids, my best friends. We’re all going to kick this thing’s ass.
So that’s my update. This hasn’t been easy and it’ll be so much harder in the coming months, but I got this.
Warming Up 