Lessons 5, 6, and 7: Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Know when to throw in the towel. And take some time to yourself.
My 32nd birthday is tomorrow. I put pressure on myself to do 7 blog posts in 8 days. But then I didn’t feel like doing it on some of those days. So I didn’t. I’m not in the business of doing things I don’t feel like doing (except all of the adult things that I don’t want to do but that I have to do). You could say it’s selfish. And it probably is. I think putting limits on what you’ll say yes to is important. It creates a boundary between you and the rest of the world.
Which leads me to lesson 6. It’s important to know when something is a lost cause. You have to know when to let something go. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a friendship, or an idea that you can’t quite suss out. Our society is very driven by “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again”. But honestly, I think it’s more important to know when to stop. Some things just aren’t meant for us. That guy you fell in love with in college? Imagine still being with him today. What would you have missed out on? What lessons have you learned between then and now that you wouldn’t have learned otherwise? And you could flip the coin and say, “Emma, but what about the lessons you might have missed out on by not being with him?” To that I say, that relationship ended for a reason. You’re better off…even if it doesn’t feel like it now.
My marriage ended. I had to throw in the towel. It wasn’t working. There were years of lies. So I walked away. It hasn’t been easy. It’s still not easy. But I think it gets a little easier every day. I know what I want. I know what I won’t put up with. I am remembering who I really am. And the next man that gets the privilege to love me will have the best version of me that’s ever existed.
And finally, lesson 7. I’m a huge proponent of self care. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” As a single mom, I cannot stress this enough. It’s SO easy to get burnt out when you don’t have a partner helping you with the daily parenting struggles. There’s no more tag teaming bath time and dinner clean up. I have to do it all on top of working full time. It’s exhausting. So we’re schedule oriented at my house. Both of my children, but Oliver mostly, thrive when they know what’s coming up next. A before bed conversation always includes where he’ll be going the next day, who will be there, who is picking him up, and what he’s doing afterwards. It kind of breaks my heart that not every day looks the same for him. But he’s doing really well…as long as he knows what to expect (I wonder where he gets that from).
There you have it. Seven lessons I’ve “learned” in my 32 spins around the sun. In no way have I mastered any of these lessons but I work on them every day. Thank you, 31, for being the weirdest year of my life. I’ve had to do things I never thought I’d do. Everything has changed and for that, I’m grateful. I’m looking forward to what 32 has in store for me and my little family. The dust is settling from all the fires I started. The sky is clearing. I have a really good feeling about it.
Warming Up 